On Pap Smears and Commitment

I had a fun raya holiday mostly being unproductive and NOT studying. Didn't fly back to Kuching as usual but spent time in JB hanging out, eating and watching shows. Well Monday has arrived and I'm feeling the Monday blues.

1. Had a stressful morning trying to convince ladies waiting in the clinic to volunteer for Pap Smears. Not very successful as I only managed to get one patient, and that was with the nurse's help. Well I don't blame them. Imagine a guy coming up to you and asking if you want him to stick a brush up your vag. Yeah, I'm that guy.

2. I chatted with a pal about things. And got me thinking, what's up with my committal avoidance issues? To be honest, I don't know why I have it. I NEED HELP?

But I am still young. I like flirting and being intimate. But I am very vague when it comes to questions like "where are we?". I have never told anyone those three syllables. Perhaps I have boundary issues I need to resolve. Perhaps I am just too affectionate by nature. Maybe I'm afraid things might not work out the way I want them to.

Or it might be simply because I have never made the plunge before. Perhaps I just haven't found the right person for me. Or I have, but it isn't the right time. When I finally commit, it will be wonderful.

To whom it may concern

My confidence has never taken a hit like this, but I'm glad to experience it once. My huge overblown ego needed taming anyway. I wouldn't go all the way to say it was a mistake, and I do not regret making the decisions I have made. Neither should you. It was my mistake for sending out the wrong signals. And it was yours for reading it as over-interest. I like your company and friendship, but it will never work out between us.

I'll make a quick reevaluation of my life. I am happy with my life, I have awesome friends and family, a good future, good health, and youth on my side. The world is my oyster, with new things to learn, experience and enjoy each day. I guess once in a while, I feel the need to share it with someone on a whole new level. You seemed keen, so I naturally picked you over others.

I admit I'm just as confused as you are, and I don't blame you one bit. Some time out would be good. Just continue smiling, our lives are yet to be written, it's gonna be a great tale I'm sure. 

Btw Megan Fox is totally not a guy. Idiot.